POST # 14 : AGNEE PERTH

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Ahead of the Perth test, Rahul Dravid said "we are looking for inspiration". During the Perth test he was looking for his stumps which were getting rattled as frequently as Ajit Singh has changed Political Parties. If “the wall” doesn't plug the gaps in his defence, the day will not be far when the likes of Wasim Jaffer and Abhinav Mukund may start calling him "The hole". That the Indians are burning a hole in the pockets of Cricket Australia by ending all test matches in 4 days is altogether a different story. We have information that Cricket Australia is not stocking any 5th day tickets in the Adelaide test to at least cut the printing expenses.

If the Indians made their first innings look like a one-day international, David Warner made his look like a T20 innings. A century on the first day and that too in 69 balls made the Indian team as clueless as Munaf Patel would be in an astrophysics class. Warner lifted the Indian bowlers just like Anu Malik lifted tunes in the ’90s and like Anu Malik's music, the sounds of bat hitting the ball was certainly not music to the ears of Indian players. Indians prayed that if Friday the 13th was not unlucky for Warner at least Saturday the 14th would. But Warner was relentless and butchered the Indian attack. Its really difficult to  call it an attack when R. Vinay Kumar is your bowler but then, don't the Aussies call Lyon a spinner?

But one guy who bowled his heart out was Umesh Yadav. He was quick and bagged a fiver. Regardless of whether Ponting is in form or not, it does warm the cockles of your hearts to see Ponting's stumps do a cartwheel. Faced with a substantial lead, both Gambhir and Dravid lived up to the expectations of their fans by nicking and getting bowled respectively. Sehwag still bats as if he hasn't gotten over the Indore hangover.

Sachin missed yet another opportunity to score his 100th international hundred. This has prompted the shopkeepers of  "Buy anything for Rs.99/-" shops to use Sachin posters to promote sales.

With VVS going for a blob, it was left to Virat Kohli to stop the fall of wickets and he did by scoring a gutsy half century which meant that Virat, for a change, showed his bat and not the finger to the Australian crowd.

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Dhoni has lost his touch so badly, even his iPhone 4S refused to respond to his touch  when he wanted to call up  Srinivasan of CSK, but help came in form of Virat Kohli once again who used his middle finger, this time to dial the number. Elated Dhoni said he had never seen a player who could put his finger to so many uses. Despite the media, former players and critics breathing down her husband's neck, Mrs. Dhoni went ahead and got  "MAHI" tattooed on her own, along with his lucky number – seven. An elegant choice considering the Perth test was the 7th consecutive test match lost overseas.

With Australia taking an unassailable lead of 3-0, the Indian critics and experts are coming down heavily on Dhon i& Co. Incidentally, there are more critics and experts in India than "Being Human” t-shirts.

Speaking of experts, there is a remarkably hilarious show airing on one TV channel. At first glance, it looks like a normal post match analysis show. You want to know what's funny about it? Well, the experts on the panel are Vinod Kambli and Saba Karim.