POST #1 THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN

The India England Test Match series was lost by India much before it even started. When a guy  like Andrew Strauss says Greame Swann is the best spinner in the world and  Greame Swan in turn says, England  will white wash India 4-0, the least the India think tank could do was to retaliate by saying that Joginder Sharma is the fastest bowler in the world and Abhinav Mukund is the next Brian Lara! This would have made Ian bell lose his form, Andrew Strauss his head, Stuart Broad his famous temper and Kevin Pieterson his appetite.

Here’s a closer look at the extraordinary gentlemen in the Indian Cricket team who have handed out the No. 1 test team status to England and who have made the likes of Greame Swann and Ian Botham, the modern day Nostradamuses.

Abhinav Mukund :  Abhinav  disappears from the  crease faster than a Harman Baweja movie disappeares from the theatres.  Of course his  two 40+ innings in West Indies have ensured  that  his  aggregate  stay at the crease is longer  than international career of Atul Wassan!  His comment ‘it’s difficult to replace Sehwag’ would make Congress replace Digvijay Singh. With the absence  of Sehwag and Gambhir in West Indies, atleast he got noticed walking out  to bat  with Murali Vijay by his side. Had he done that with Sehwag or Gambhir, he’d realise how Abhishek feels when he walks the red carpet with Aishwaya at the Film festivals.

Rahul Dravid: Despite scoring three centuries, could not even save a single match for India. His dismissal in the 2^nd innings at Lord’s, caught by Matt Prior fishing outside the off stump was a shocker!! So shocked was Matt Prior, he rubbed his eyes in disbelief with his wicketkeeping gloves on and had a minor eye injury and was a doubtful starter for the next test! Dravid and fishing outside the off stump? But then all great men make mistakes. Hasn’t Naseeruddin Shah done a “Tridev”?

VVS Laxman: Magical, mostly against Australia,  failed  to fire in the series. The only good part  about Laxman failing is that one does  not get  to hear Gavaskar’s  oft repeated line,  “VVS stands  for  “very very special”. In fact he’s said it more times than Ravi Shastri’s line “that went like a tracer bullet”!!

Suresh Raina: One century in a losing cause. Hasn’t shown big stage temperament. Had the audacity  to tweet, “ I  am safe” ( referring  to the riots)  wherein  actual  reason, we are told  that it was because  Chris Tremlett was ruled  out of the series!!

Yuvraj Singh: When it comes to injuries he is only second to Jackie Chan, now that Ajit Agarkar is not playing. He has single handedly made leaving the ball outside the off stump a dying art!! A few kilos more and you wouldn’t be able to tell Yuvi from his Pune Warriors team mate Jesse Ryder!!

Sachin Tendulkar: has not been able to get a century at Lord’s where even Ajit Agarkar has scored one and the century  of centuries still eludes him. Harsha Bhogle ,once said about Sachin, “the only time he doesn’t get a standing ovation is when he gets out of bed”.  Two more series like this and he would get standing ovation only when he gets out of bed.  His  dismissal at Edgbaston would make Abhinav Mukund look like Brian Lara. He  proved his detractors wrong when he got out for 91 in the last test match. Now no one can say India loses when Sachin scores a century. Now he’s proved that India can lose even when he misses his century!!

M.S.Dhoni: Till sometime before the English tour, MSD didn’t know what  failure  meant just  the way Tusshar Kapoor  doesn’t know even today, what success means. After losing 4 matches on the trot, Uday Chopra, Bobby Deol and Tusshar Kapoor are friends with Dhoni on facebook.

Gautam  Gambhir : Makes a long face everytime  he gets out. Remember  the mix up with Yuvi and the run –out that followed in World Cup 2011 match  against Pakistan ? When Ambati Rayadu of Mumbai Indians whacked  Laxmipathy Balaji of Kolkatta Knight Riders for  a last  ball six in IPL-4, the long  face, made, everyone mistake him for Pakistani cricketer Umar Gul!!

Harbhajan Singh: As a commentator Wasim Akram  may say “ their” instead  of “there. But so what? Doesn’t Ranjit  Fernando say “ v-cut” instead of “wicket” and “ cri-cut” instead of “cricket”?  But  his comment  asking to drop Harbhajan Singh would make even Greig Chappell’s toxic comments sound like Mohinder Amarnath’s!!  Wasim has done  a great service to our nation. Harbhajan would not get a turn even on our potholed  roads. In fact,our sources add that going by Harbhajan’s form  even  Anderson  and Bresnan were fancying their chances to score double hundreds!!

S.Sreesanth: Mamooty of Indian Cricket!!  Unfortunately for India, he looks  ferocious only when he walks up  to his  bowling  mark  and in  the dressing room. Better remembered for Misbah’s catch in the inaugural T20 finals, and the jig he performed after hitting Andre Neil over the boundary. Also a pace bowler!! He can bowl more wides and no balls in a series than Mcgrath has bowled in his lifetime.

Virender Sehwag: If Munaf Patel has a body language  problem, Sehwag has a  language problem.  We are told, that when coach Duncan Fletcher   said at the team meeting,  that Indian pace attack needs to have more teeth, Sehwag replied, “if teeth is all you want then  we should  recall Ashish Nehra and not of R P Singh”. Half the Indian team fell off their chairs laughing and that seems to be the real cause for the injuries. Munaf did not understand a word and survived and is now fit to play and get hammered!! ;)