POST #31: LEAKED: VENKATESH PRASAD'S APPLICATION FORM FOR THE JOB OF COACH OF TEAM INDIA

        

APPLICATION FORM FOR THE JOB OF TEAM INDIA'S HEAD COACH                                                   

                                                                                      

Name: Venkatesh Prasad

Age:   46 years

If represented India: Yes

If yes, in what capacity: (Note: wrong answer will result in disqualification):

 Fast bowler, pace bowler, sorry .. gentle medium

Why do you think you are the right man to coach team India? :Because I've watched “Chak De India” 51 times in theatres  and 72 times on my laptop. Also know SRK’s "sattar minute" speech in the movie by heart.

Your opinion on DRS:  Don't know. Prefer RDS (Rawa Dosa Special).

Instances of aggression shown by you: (Mention any two)

(This question is at the instance of Saurav Ganguly)

·          Send off to Amir Sohail in Bangalore 1996.

     Shouted at a waiter in an Udupi restaurant once for serving me watery Sambar.

Best compliment received: From Anil Kumble "yard or two faster and you will be as quick as me".

As a coach what would you bring to the table:  My DELL Inspiron 

Achievements:   Have my name on Lord's roll of honors…Also on Venky's chicken rolls.

Technology in Cricket you prefer and why (tick any one)

Hawk eye                           Hot spot          Ultra slow motion ü

 Ultra slow motion . Because it  is inspired by my real time bowling speed.

Have you been convicted of any offences in India:

NO!!! Just accused of boring TV viewers to death with my commentary. 
Also 2 people died laughing when they heard me give tips on fast bowling to Dale Steyn in the IPL.

Please list three professional references:

Rajat Bhatia

Vinay Kumar                                             
Ashoke Dinda     


V Prasad

Signature  


DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Not intended to be derisive. Above comments are not real. Fun intended. No outrage please.

Follow us on Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheGoanPatiala

Post # 30 : 2013 - THE LIGHTER SIDE OF INDIAN CRICKET

India lose a bilateral series to Pakistan 2-1.  
Rahul Dravid, India's  finest no.3 batsman gets the no.3 Civilian award.- Padmabhushan.


Mumbai Indians buy Glen Maxwell for $ 1million in IPL auctions. And later on  the Aston Martin and finally the media.

MS Dhoni scores a double century against Australia at Chennai.
Mohinder Amarnath disconnects his cable TV connection.

Cheteshwar Pujara scores a double century against Australia at Hyderabad. 
Dhoni becomes the most successful Indian captain with his 22nd Test win.
Mohinder Amarnath smashes his TV this time.

Virendar Sehwag loses his hair and subsequently his place in the team
.
Christopher Martin Jenkins, Jaywant Lele,  Rusy Surti. RIP

Shikhar Dhawan scores the fastest century on debut. 
After his miserable performance on the South African wickets, Darryll Cullinan would go on to call him "a flat track bully" 

(pic courtesy:deccanchronicle.com)

Chris Gayle scores 175 not out against Pune Warriors in IPL 2013 . Later appeares in a deoderant commercial urging viewers to 'score more'.

Sreesanth, is charged with spot fixing in IPL 2013. 
What is surprising is that he isn't accused of  cruelty after the investigations reveal what he had gifted his girlfriend. 
 A Blackberry.

Few years back Gautam Gambhir liked driving Malinga through the covers.
 2013 saw him 'like' the photograph of Dinda on Facebook.

Mumbai Indians win their maiden IPL title under the captaincy of Rohit Sharma. 
Gavaskar continues to praise Tendulkar.

India win the Champions trophy against England.  Morgan and Bopara get dismissed at crucial junctures by Ishant Sharma. 
Morgan and Bopara contemplate retirement.

Arun Lal  messes up the presentation ceremony of the Tri series finals and forgets to announce winners.
Massive manhunt is on for the person who decided to send him for the presentation.
.
Arvind Kejriwal announces broom as the party symbol after India sweeps Zimbabwe 5-0, under the makeshift captain and Delhi boy Virat Kohli.

Mumbai Indians win the Champions League trophy under the captaincy of Rohit Sharma. Sachin and Dravid play their last T20 matches. Gavaskar says Sachin is a great player for the 4578th time in 2013 alone.

Virat Kohli scores the fastest ODI centuy  by an Indian-off just 52 balls.

He also turned 25 this year.  One of the rare occassions when he has something less than 50 against his name.

Pune Warriors is ousted from the IPL by BCCI for non payment of the bank guarantee which means Ashoke Dinda will play for some other team. HELP!!.

Rohit Sharma becomes the only 3rd player in the world to score a double hundred in ODIs. Twitterati look for  other options to laugh at.

Azhar is offered  a role as the batting coach of Jammu and Kashmir.  Heard he was confident of fixing their batting woes.

Star Sports India made everyone speak in Hindi...except Allan Wilkins maybe.

Sachin announces retirement. Scores 74 in his last Test innings.
Everyone in India suddenly realised the opposition is a team called West Indies.


(pic courtesy:cricket-cup.blogspot.com)

Sachin  bids an emotional farewell.  Perhaps for the last time, Vinod Kambli feels shit about himself.

Bharat Ratna creates history. Gets Sachin Tendulkar this time.


Nepal qualify for the 2014 T20 World cup. Your neighbourhood watchman celebrates.

India win the ODI series against the West Indies. Shikhar Dhawan scores his 5th century of the year. Poonam Pandey says she will sport a moustache.

Quinton de Kock annhilates India with 3 centuries in as many matches. 
Anjum Chopra becomes the first cricket analyst to refer De Kock as "Quinton".

South Africa create history in the first Test match against India in Johannesburg. For the first time in  history, they don't lose after choking.  They manage a draw.

The images of the cracks at the WACA pitch during the 3rd Test match will haunt the cricket lovers for a long time.


(Pic courtesy: bbc.com)

Though Indian cricket fans are familiar with a similar surface

.

(Pic courtesy: The Telegraph)



Jacques Kallis announces retirement and scores his 45th Test match hundred in his farewell Test. There was more crowd when Rohit and Shami made their debut in India.

Stuart Binny gets selected for the New Zealand tour. For the first time he is not in news on account of Mayanti Langer.

Happy New Year to you all. Cheers.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Not intended to be derisive. Not all comments are real. Fun intended.

No outrage please.

 Follow us on twitter: https://twitter.com/TheGoanPatiala

POST #29: BCCI ATTEMPTS TO INVITE BERMUDA, CANADA TO ENABLE SACHIN TO SCORE HEAVILY IN HIS 200th TEST MATCH.

Sachin Tendulkar's dipping form, and his recovery from surgery has created enough doubts in the minds of the cricket fans whether he will actually be able to get big runs on the tour of South Africa facing Dale Steyn &co

The BCCI (Board of Control for Cricket in India) on the other hand has left no stone unturned to ensure that Sachin gets to play his 200th Test Match in India and what's more, get some big scores too by squeezing in the India -West indies series to be played in India.

Before choosing a weaker West Indies bowling attack, we learnt that BCCI had pondered over other options too.

First,the BCCI prevailed upon ICC to award Bermuda a Test match status so that they could play a series against India which may have allowed Sachin to get to the ever elusive Test score of 300 and above.

BCCI had  also ensured that the portly Dwayne Leverock resigned from international cricket as they didn't want Leverock to display that sporadic brilliance when he caught Robin Uthhappa in that World Cup 2007 match.

Pic courtesy:i.telegraph.uk

Also under consideration was elevation of Team Canada to a Test Status. With names like Ashish Bagai and Balaji Rao would make Sachin extremely comfortable as if he was playing in Ranji and maybe score some big runs.

There have been mixed reactions to this announcement of the series against the West Indies with some  die hard Sachin fans saying this entire exercise would be a blot on the illustrious career of Sachin. 

On the other hand an ex official of the CBFS (Cricketers' Benefit Fund Series) in Sharjah said that this is a novel way of granting a benefit match for a player who is still playing and it may start a  whole  trend worldwide.

Meanwhile the fans of Lata Mangueshkar in  Mumbai staged a "dharna" outside the Yashraj Films Studios shouting slogans against Aditya Chopra for dropping Latadidi from "Jab Tak hai Jaan". The delegation also urged Aditya Chopra to take a leaf out of the BCCI's book and ask Rohit Shetty to make a film to enable Lata to sing in the background when the Boleros and Scorpios get blown away.

To express outrage, fans of Lata made effigies of Aditya Chopra and Uday Chopra and burnt the effigy of the former. However, the fans decided not to burn the effigy of Uday Chopra as they thought that his  unburnt effigy had a potential of creating more damage.

Pic courtesy:www.satic.ibnlive.in.com

MNS (Maharashtra Navnirman Sena) is demanding that Sachin's 200th Test match be played in Mumbai at the Wankhede and not at the Motera or the Eden Gardens. There was news that the MNS chief Shri Raj Thackrey had demanded 1000 free  tickets to his workers. 

Nidhi Razdan condemned this act by Raj Thackrey and went on to break it on the Prime time that her channel had information that MNS were offering  20% discount on stadium tickets to the  locals. She alleged discrimination and said that why MNS was demanding discounts only for the locals when Sachin had fans all over the country.

Later it was discovered  that the discount of 20% which was offered, was actually by the clothing giant M&S (Marks and Spencer) and not MNS.

Nidhi Razdan was not available for comments as she was busy preparing for a chat show against Modi.

This post was published  with minor changes by "The Unreal Times" 

  http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2013/09/11/bcci-invites-bermuda-canada-to-play-against-india-so-sachin-scores-heavily-in-farewell-series/

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Not intended to be derisive. Comments are not real. Fun intended.

No outrage please.

Post # 28:Parents of school kids panic on inclusion of Wasim Akram in the English commentary team

(This post was written for "The Unreal Times" and was published on June 12, 2013)

Like a Rohit Sharma innings, every summer vacation comes to an end just when you start enjoying it the most. Even as school kids reluctantly drag themselves to school with the same enthusiasm that Munaf Patel exhibits while marking his run up, parents are grappling with a far bigger headache: Wasim Akram’s English commentary for the ongoing Champion’s Trophy and its pernicious effect on their children’s life-long struggle to gain mastery over the English language.

Worried mothers have shot off letters to the Star Cricket broadcasting team, raising grave concerns over the repercussions of Akram’s commentary on their children’s linguistic skills. Speaking to The UnReal Times, a disturbed father of one school kid from Delhi said, “Struggling to speak in English as opposed to Hinglish is one thing, now kids will ape Wasim as well, who commands great influence over impressionable Indians. After all, he has more fans in Mumbai than in all of Pakistan.”

He recounted an incident in which Akram, during commentary, meant to say that the youngsters in the Indian team should put their hands up and be counted but ended up saying “If I was in their place, I would say ‘Hands up’” instead. A teacher from one of Mumbai’s prestigious schools showed us the answer sheets of her students, with answers such as “3 orange” and “5 apple”. She said that the students insisted that it was correct usage since they have often heard the former fast bowler say, “Pakistan is playing with 4 fast bowler (sic)”. On condition of anonymity, a parent from Hyderabad said that his kids have started spelling “here” as “hair” and “there” as “their”, arguing that this is the way Wasim bhai pronounces it.

To compound matters, Wasim has also forayed into the world of mathematics with comments like “three overs to go, after this two” leading to deteriorating arithmetic skills in fourth-graders. A delegation of parents has already approached the channel bosses who have agreed to shift Wasim to the time-slot when children are studying or sleeping, much like the directive of the Ministry of Information and Broadcasting to broadcast the movie “The Dirty Picture” during the 11pm slot.  In the interim, they have said that they have no alternative but to lock their children in their bedrooms while Wasim is on air.  Kapil Dev’s post-match analysis in Hindi has ensured strict curfews as well, with children being put to sleep since Kapil always speaks in English when he is asked any questions in Hindi, the sources added.

Meanwhile, the sales of TV sets with “channel locks” have shot up to record levels, said a beaming TV dealer in Delhi.

POST # 27 SANJAY LEELA BHANSALI TO RE-RELEASE "SAWARIYA' IN THE WAKE OF THE SPOT-FIXING SCANDAL

While the spot fixing scandal has almost signaled an end to the cricket careers of the trio of Rajasthan Royals, many perceive it as a business opportunity. It has been alleged by the Delhi Police that there were specific signals from the players to the bookies indicating in which over spot fixing would take place, such as Sreesanth tucking a towel in his trousers.

Pic courtesy: static.ibnlive.in

Suddenly the demand for Towels seems to have gone up like Gayle’s strike rate. Solapur, which is known as the "Manchester of Maharashtra" famous for its textile manufacturing has suddenly witnessed a spurt in demand that the manufacturers cannot cope up with. We met Mr. Salvi, a Towel manufacturer from Solapur and he said, "The demand is unprecedented. Now I know what Glenn Maxwell must have felt like after the IPL 6 auctions".

Our sources tell us that there is a tremendous demand for towels from Kerala, the State where Sreesanth hails from. In fact, in some shops in Kochi, towels are marketed as "Sreesanth Towels" with a placard stating "Fixed Rates".

Joining this towel rage, Sanjay Leela Bhansali, the director of a dud called Saawariya has decided to re-release the film, featuring Ranbir Kapoor doing a towel jig on  "Jab se tere naina". "The towel has more expressions than Sonam Kapoor" said Mr. Bhansali, pressing the chewing gum under his tongue. The producers of Ajab Prem ki Gajab Kahani are also following the footsteps of Sanjay Leela Bhansali as Ranbir had also strutted in a towel in that film.

pic courtesy:gallery.oneindia.in

Not the one to be left out, Aditya Chopra has decided to do a remix of "Mere Khwabo Mein Jo Aaye" from Dilwale Dulhaniya le Jaayenge with Kajol wrapped in a towel (blue coloured this time) to cash on the popularity of Rajasthan Royals and include the song in the movie. 

Pic Courtesy:25.media.tublr.com

"This should surely allow us to recover the losses we suffered from Jab Tak Hai Jaan " said Aditya Chopra.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Interviews are not real. Not meant to be derisive. Fun intended. No outrage please.

Follow us on twitter: https://twitter.com/TheGoanPatiala

POST # 26: INSPIRED BY 'PEPSI BLUE', PUNE TO INTRODUCE BLUE CHIWDA

In what could be termed as a radical marketing gimmick, Pune based manufacturers and traders are offering great offers this IPL in support of the Warriors. More than the win against Rajasthan Royals on April 11th 2013, the fact that Ashoke Dinda conceded only 4 runs in the 19th over is largely thought to be one of the greatest moments in the history of the IPL.

Punekars do not want to be reminded of
the  CSK jersey colour.

To celebrate the occasion the ‘raddiwallas’ of Sadashiv Peth promptly announced that they would be paying Re 1/- extra on a kilogram of raddi which led to a minor stampede in the area with some people selling newspapers borrowed from their unsuspecting neighbours.

One of the traders attributed Dinda’s success to his having given up wearing his trademark headband. Dennis Lillie was Dinda’s inspiration behind wearing a headband – that he looked and bowled like Rumesh Ratnayake is a different story.

Dinda’s moment of glory, however, paled in comparison to Pune defeating Chennai in their own den. To snub the Chennai Super Kings the, the members of the Pune “Chiwda” lobby said after this success Pune can no longer manufacture chiwda flakes with their typical yellow colouring, which would be an insult to their team.

Pepsi blue

In an informal meeting held between some manufacturers of “Chiwda” outside a restaurant on FC road over 2 cups of tea shared by 10, it was decided to change the colour of Chiwda flakes from ‘yellow’ to “blue”.

One of the manufacturers of “Chiwda” was questioned by our team. One of them answered our question with a question: “When Pepsi came up with “Pepsi Blue” during one of the previous editions of the ODI World Cups, you did not object. Why now?” He also said like “paandhra rassa” (white gravy) from Kolhapur, the “neela chiwda”(blue chiwda) will be a hit.

STOP PRESS: After Gayle’s innings against Pune, the plans of ‘Blue Chiwda’ have been deferred until further announcement.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Not intended to be derisive. Interviews are not real. Fun intended. No outrage please.

Follow us on twitter: https://twitter.com/TheGoanPatiala
This post was first featured on My Faking News

Post #25: Sachin Tendulkar consults Markandey Katju on post-retirement plans

In what seems to be an unprecedented move, India’s batting maestro Sachin Tendulkar today approached the PCI chief and former Judge of Supreme Court in connection with his post retirement plans.

Sachin, who retired from the ODI format of the game, now plays only Test matches and rumours were rife that the Kotla Test against Australia in which Australia suffered a whitewash could be Sachin’s last Test in India – considering that the next Test match India would play was about 8 months away.

Sachin had discussions with Katju on various aspects of post retirement, varying from whether it would dent his popularity, endorsement deals etc.

(pic courtesy:thehindu.com)

Markandey Katju has come up with novel ideas to keep Sachin’s popularity graph point northwards, and make sure that his income stays intact.

Our sources tell us that Justice Katju advised that immediately post retirement Sachin should make a statement that 90% of the cricketers are idiots -This should keep the Twitterati busy for the next 3 days , said Katju banging his fist on the “Mimansa” book, as if to drive home the point.

Further Justice Katju has asked Sachin to go after the BCCI chief and India Cements head honcho N. Srinivasan, and assured him that the success of Indian team and Chennai Super Kings is nowhere related to N. Srinivasan.

Katju we heard, went one step ahead and asked Sachin to accuse N. Srinivasan that though the CSK has many laurels to show he should point out the instances of malnutrition in the team. To prove his point Sachin should present the photographs of Subramanyam Badrinath and Wriddhiman Saha. This should give give Sachin an extended run till IPL 2015 said Katju, painstakingly pulling his ear hair.

Katju warned Sachin that though these were the “easy” options to keep his name in the news, he should not lose sight of crucial issues plaguing the Indian team today. It was now up to Sachin to impress upon the mind of the selection committee that it had to exercise its extraordinary powers and pardon Sehwag for poor hand eye co-ordination.

(pic courtesy: rediff.com)

For this Katju advised Sachin to start a blog ” Satyam Brutus” wherein Sachin should write an open letter to the Chairman of the Selection Committee to pardon him and bring Sehwag back into the team for the following reasons:

1) That Sehwag is married and that has scored 2 triple Centuries.

2) That Sehwag has suffered a lot in the last 3 years, like suffering Ravindra Jadeja in dressing room, diminishing vision and receeding hairline etc.

3) That Sehwag ki maa has started a major mobile revolution with those Reliance mobile commercials.

Sachin, we are told that he is completely impressed by Katju”s advice. He had only one on-record comment for the press who met him as he exited the PCI premises: ” I met 2 great individuals in my life. Vinod Kambli at the begining of my career and Justice Katju at the fag end of it”.

Follow us on twitter: https://twitter.com/TheGoanPatiala
This post was first featured on My Faking News

Post # 24 : Patiala Pegs

Follow us on twitter:

https://twitter.com/sanjaysardesai

POST #23: RARE QUOTES ON DHONI'S DOUBLE

MS Dhoni's 224 vs Australia in the Chennai Test was the innings everyone was talking about.  Here are a few quotes we heard;



(pic courtesy: www.thehindubusinessline.com)

VIRENDER SEHWAG: "Isme bada kya hai? Maine to 200 one day me mara tha"

GAUTAM GAMBHIR: "Thank god I wasn't in the team. Facing Dale Steyn would have been easier than applauding Dhoni from  the pavillion."

BHUVANESHWAR KUMAR: "Dhoni carried the game on his own shoulders, shielding me from the quickies. Now I exactly know what it feels to be like Reitesh Deshmukh"

MANDIRA BEDI: "I would have loved it if he had scored a double in one dayer or IPL. He looks damn hot when he bats in blue or yellow but not in whites."

SUNIL GAVASKAR: "I really loved the way Sachin timed his shots. He silenced his critics as well. Sachin still showed he has a lot of cricket left in him. Dhoni chipped in with some 200 odd runs or something."

SUSHIL KUMAR SHINDE:. "We had information that Dhoni would explode but we didnt have specific information he would do so in Chennai."

DIGVIJAY SINGH: "Yes I agree with Shinde that what happened in the Chennai Test was  Hindu terror. He has not withdrawn the statement."

ABHIJEET MUKHERJEE: "That innings by Dhoni dented the confidence of Australians and people who painted wrong picture of his.  Wait.. I aplosize."

S.P TYAGI: "I loved the Chopper.....I mean the Helicopter shot he plays."

RAVINDRA JADEJA: "I have been there, done that. Only in domestic cricket though"

NITIN GADKARI: "The Dosa was mind blowing." 

AN INDIAN PLAYER ON A CONDITION OF ANNONYMITY: "The more time the skipper spent in the middle, the more we had to suffer Ravindra Jadeja in the dressing room"

JAVED AKTHAR:  "Bhuvaneshwar Kumar's contribution in the partnership with Dhoni  reminds me of Salim Khan's contribution to our team of yesteryears; "SALIM-JAVED"

MOHINDER AMARNATH: "I didnt watch. I disconnected my cable connection when he was in his eighties."

MEIRA KUMAR: `smiles

MICHAEL CLARKE: "With Harbhajan in the Indian team, at least two batsmen from our side were expected to score double centuries."

FOOTBALL LOVER, GOA: "I normally don't like Cricket but i watched this entire match after someone told me that Moises Henriques, is actually Portuguese born."

DISCLAIMER: All the quotes above are not  real. Not intended to be derisive. Fun intended

Follow us on twitter:
https://twitter.com/sanjaysardesai

POST # 22: 10 THINGS ABOUT RAVINDRA JADEJA YOU NEVER WANTED TO KNOW

At around the same time in 2009, when the world learnt about the Swine flu, India witnessed a major epidemic called Ravindra Jadeja. He, who would later go on to torment everybody connected with cricket except his opponents.

Here are a few things about Ravindra Jadeja you wouldn't care to know.

1.  They say opportunity does not knock twice. With Ravindra Jadeja the opportunity stares into his video door phone camera and pleads with him to let her in

2.   Ravinder Jadeja may change his hairstyle,sunglasses or  tattoos every season but what remains unchanged is the expression of someone who has drunk a glass of beer and found a snail at the bottom.

pic courtesy:cric-news.blogspot.in

3. Ravindra Jadeja loves to watch Kevin Pieterson batting videos minutely before zeroing down on his tattoo designs and getting one for himself. Much like the cabbies in Goa who put the 3 pointed Mercedes Star on their Maruti Van tailgates.

4. The Audi which caught fire last month at the Bandra Worli Sea link wasn't an accident. Investigations  revealed that the owner of the car discovered that even Ravindra Jadeja owned the same brand of car..

5. A cricket writer mysteriously disappeared and search for him has been rendered futile. Sources say his last words were "Ravinder Jadeja is the Indian Gary Sobers"

6.  The only time Ravindra Jadeja has  earned the  coveted "orange cap" in the IPL was when he played one season for, "Kochi Tuskers Kerala". The colour of the team cap was orange then.

pic courtesy: timesofindia.indiatimes.com

7.   In Ranchi ODI, though the 3 english batsmen were dismissed for 0, the England scorecard displayed four   zeroes.

 Keiswetter....0

,Patel............0 

 Dernbach......0 

And RAVINDRA JADEJA...who dismissed these 3.

8.    Kochi replaced Shirdi as the miracle tourist destination.after Ravindra Jadeja scored 61 off just 37 deliveries.

9.   If twitter reduces the 140 characters limit to 14, Ravinder Jadeja will be the least affected. 

       Sample some of his tweets and you'll know why

              "Found a snake @ my farmhouse!. eeeeee!!".

        We were told that the last expression was of the snake after it spotted Jadeja.

       The following tweet not only shows his excitement of going for a movie but also his taste in films.

.               "Gng for Movie Race 2. Yipee"

.       

         Jadeja was there for Race 2. He was also there in the Indian team when Raaz 2, Jism 2 happened. 

         He will also be there in the Indian team when Murder 14 and Dhoom 6, will be released.

10.   People all over the  world prefer Jadeja as a batsman than as a bowler.

       The Sweet mart owner in  Saurashtra explained the reason behind it

              "Its because when he bats, the helmet covers his face most of the time"

       Once Poonam Pandey asked some of the cricketers whether they liked women with thin legs or fat legs,. Dhoni said he loves women with fat legs, Dravid said he loves women with thin legs.

Jadeja said he prefered something in between.

Follow us on Twitter: https://twitter.com/sanjaysardesai

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Not intended to be derisive. Interviews are not real. Fun intended. No outrage please

POST # 21: SUNNY SIDE UP

Sachin Tendulkar scored 137 against the Railways in the Ranji trophy recently. Times have been so bad that a "Tendulkar 100" in Ranji Trophy makes headlines. Sunny bhai, for instance, said that it is a good sign that Sachin is getting some runs. Sunny was soon reminded of his comment during the last test series that Sachin's mode of dismissals (getting out - bowled) was concerning.

Sunny quickly turned himself on the other side of the fence and changed his stance faster than Kevin Pieterson does during his "switch-hit" and remarked, "That was the early part of the season. Some people can be very rusty". Sunny also forewarned people around that Sachin’s 137 would make the Test matches  extremely interesting.  What Sunny didn't remind the people around was that the Railways bowling attack had the  likes of Bangar, Upadhyay, Karthik, Shukla etc.

We had news of Sunny making a comeback into the Indian cricket team. Ravinder Jadeja was the most excited of the lot until someone told him this Sunny was not Leone. At a time when Dhoni is trying to look out for options of keeping Manoj Tiwary and Ajinkya Rahane out of the team, more Cricketers of yesteryears seem to be fancying their chances. We have information that Sunny was almost sure to make a comeback until the AP High Court lifted the ban imposed on Azharuddin and he was available to play. We asked Azhar how he felt now that he was exonerated and he said, "Boys played well...I mean...I mean...the lawyers played well". We asked him if the news of his making a comeback was true. Azhar said he was so busy that he wasn’t even aware of the next fixture... against England that is.

After Sunny said that Sachin's century against a Railway bowling attack is a good sign we feel there are other players who have played some wonderful innings in the recent times which have not made headlines:

Rohit Sharma scoring 173 off just 70 balls during a Kojagiri Pornima night on a building terrace (popularly known as Gacchi Cricket in Mumbai)

Ravinder Jadeja scoring 142  only off 80 balls in the Navratri Pandal in Jamnagar (this innings later helped him to score 300 in domestic cricket)

NOTE: Both batsmen got out in a freaky fashion. Rohit Sharma did not know the basic rules of Gacchi cricket in India that if you hit the ball out of the terrace (without a bounce) you are out (unless the ball used in the match is yours or your father has the terrace keys of the building society by virtue of being the Chairman of the society).

Ravinder Jadeja on the other hand was unstoppable until he hit the shot which hit a lady wearing a backless choli at the Navratri festival.

Joginder Sharma starred in a T20 match with a blistering 78 in only 34 balls in a match of Class VI-A v/s Class IX-B in the Night School. Joginder Sharma is in Class VI, and Arun Lal, we are told, is their coach.

With so much of competition Manoj Tiwary and Ajinkya Rahane are going to have a tough time making it to the final eleven. In fact just when these two were about to break into the Indian final XI there is some news of injury to both these players. They are diagnosed with sore posteriors, thanks to Dhoni keeping them on the bench for so long. Last heard, they were taking advice from Sunny, who has advised them on how to strengthen the butt muscles. The only way he seems to have strengthened his, is by sitting on the fence all the time.

(pics courtesy:in.com, khelnama.com)
Disclaimer: Not intended to be derisive. Interviews are not real. Only fun intended. No outrage please.

POST # 20: UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

In what seems to be a move to pacify Dhoni, after VVS Laxman refused to invite him for his private function (no, not Sherlyn Chopra style), the BCCI chief Sreenivasan hosted a party for the Indian Captain. Our source had an occasion to attend the party which was otherwise open only to past and present day cricketers, IPL team owners, and Srini's coterie. Obviously, our source didn't fit into any of the above categories. Srini's numerologist, who happened to be a distant relative of the owner of a Dosa outlet in Goa, came in handy and allowed our source to sneak into the party just like the ball sneaks into Tendulkar's defence these days.
After a few drinks the players dropped their guards, tongues started loosening alongwith tie-knots and most of the guests couldn't tell Rohit Sharma from Joginder Sharma. That Joginder Sharma would have batted better than Rohit today, is a different story.

We headed straightaway to the part of the crowd where Sachin Tendulkar was and as usual he was surrounded by a lot of people. Though the ball finds his wickets more than his bat nowadays, his popularity hasn’t dented even a bit. People threw a lot of questions at Sachin and he answered them effortlessly. We had the good fortune of listening to Sachin's pearls of wisdom. Here were a few questions Sachin was asked:

Q: What do you think about Unmukt Chand? Can he become the next Virat Kohli?

A: I will play cricket as long as I enjoy playing. There is no question of retirement.

Q: Do you think the public outcry regarding Lata Mangeshkar trying to sell the Jayaprabha studio is justified? What do you think of this, as a Maharashtrian?
A: I will play cricket as long as I enjoy playing. There is no question of retirement.

Q: Do you think there will be a rollback on the reforms by the Congress now that opposition is demanding it?
A: I will play cricket as long as I enjoy playing. There is no question of retirement.

Brilliant! All the leaders who abandon Karan Thapar's show should take a cue from the Master Blaster. In fact we think Sachin should start a preparatory course for all the guests who are invited on Arnab Goswami's show.

Finally we got to question the Master Blaster, with better results.

Courtesy : cardheko.com

Q: Sachin, you just said you would play cricket as long as you enjoy it, but you kept getting out, bowled, in the NZ series. Can you still say you enjoy your cricket?

A: Most definitely (laughs).  What it has got to do with me getting bowled? I enjoy my cricket. I attended the Ambani's bash the other day at Antillia, attended the launch of a premium car, did some LED Television Commercials. I really enjoy my cricket. And did you notice how in that LED TV ad I middled the ball to perfection in slow motion?

Before we could ask him any further questions the MI guy whisked him past us. We saw Ravi Shastri, and headed straight to him to ask him if he thought India had any chances of winning the T20 World Cup in Lanka. Ravi said "Juss get a feeling that it maybe Pakistan this time". Suddenly the waiter approached Ravi with a Blue Martini and Ravi said "not for me...that's what the doctor ordered" pointing to Dr. Vijay Mallya who was taking the BBM pin of the PYT just a few arms away. The embarrassed waiter went to Mallya like a tracer bullet.

With great difficulty we managed to get the Indian captain and only after it was confirmed that we were Srini's personal guests did he speak to us.

Q: What is this thing about Laxman saying you weren't reachable? Don't you think as the Indian Captain, you should be available to the players?

Dhoni: “Well of course, more often than not, I am always there. Laxman overreacted I feel. For the past year we have played so many matches against Sri Lanka that my wife calls up Mahela Jaywardena when I am not reachable. I spend more time with Sangakara and Mahela than the very special mahila in my life.  So its not only Laxman, its Sita... I mean Sakshi too...” said Dhoni with a sheepish grin.

Q: Some players in the team say you are the great finisher…what you have to say?

Dhoni: Well of course, I love to finish the game myself and don't want to pressurize the tail enders.

Q: No, no we weren't talking about finishing the game… Manoj Tiwary and Ajinkya Rahane feel that you have finished their careers by playing Rohit Sharma instead of them.
Dhoni: Look, Rohit is star material. Look at the way he enters the ground with a swagger. In fact he is like Shah Rukh Khan who charges a lot of money to make 5 minute appearances at weddings and inaugurations etc. Have you seen Rohit make his appearance last more than 5 minutes on the crease? Didn't he steal the thunder from Yuvraj the other day at Yuvraj's comeback match? Rohit survived two deliveries and was not out!

Q: What about Laxman not inviting you for the his private party? We were informed you were quite upset with Laxman leaving you out?

Dhoni: Well of course nothing like that. More often than not whenver I have been invited by overseas captains, it has been miserable. So I am actually happy to not be invited by anybody.

courtesy: indiancelebrity-photos.blogspot.com

Q: This is news to us! Which other captains invited you? Strauss, Ponting? And where were their parties? You must be one of the luckiest Indian captains!

Dhoni: Well of course I was invited. When we played overseas, the opposition captains won the toss and invited us to bat on grassy tops and gave us the thrashing of our lives…