POST # 27 SANJAY LEELA BHANSALI TO RE-RELEASE "SAWARIYA' IN THE WAKE OF THE SPOT-FIXING SCANDAL

While the spot fixing scandal has almost signaled an end to the cricket careers of the trio of Rajasthan Royals, many perceive it as a business opportunity. It has been alleged by the Delhi Police that there were specific signals from the players to the bookies indicating in which over spot fixing would take place, such as Sreesanth tucking a towel in his trousers.

Pic courtesy: static.ibnlive.in

Suddenly the demand for Towels seems to have gone up like Gayle’s strike rate. Solapur, which is known as the "Manchester of Maharashtra" famous for its textile manufacturing has suddenly witnessed a spurt in demand that the manufacturers cannot cope up with. We met Mr. Salvi, a Towel manufacturer from Solapur and he said, "The demand is unprecedented. Now I know what Glenn Maxwell must have felt like after the IPL 6 auctions".

Our sources tell us that there is a tremendous demand for towels from Kerala, the State where Sreesanth hails from. In fact, in some shops in Kochi, towels are marketed as "Sreesanth Towels" with a placard stating "Fixed Rates".

Joining this towel rage, Sanjay Leela Bhansali, the director of a dud called Saawariya has decided to re-release the film, featuring Ranbir Kapoor doing a towel jig on  "Jab se tere naina". "The towel has more expressions than Sonam Kapoor" said Mr. Bhansali, pressing the chewing gum under his tongue. The producers of Ajab Prem ki Gajab Kahani are also following the footsteps of Sanjay Leela Bhansali as Ranbir had also strutted in a towel in that film.

pic courtesy:gallery.oneindia.in

Not the one to be left out, Aditya Chopra has decided to do a remix of "Mere Khwabo Mein Jo Aaye" from Dilwale Dulhaniya le Jaayenge with Kajol wrapped in a towel (blue coloured this time) to cash on the popularity of Rajasthan Royals and include the song in the movie. 

Pic Courtesy:25.media.tublr.com

"This should surely allow us to recover the losses we suffered from Jab Tak Hai Jaan " said Aditya Chopra.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Interviews are not real. Not meant to be derisive. Fun intended. No outrage please.

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POST # 26: INSPIRED BY 'PEPSI BLUE', PUNE TO INTRODUCE BLUE CHIWDA

In what could be termed as a radical marketing gimmick, Pune based manufacturers and traders are offering great offers this IPL in support of the Warriors. More than the win against Rajasthan Royals on April 11th 2013, the fact that Ashoke Dinda conceded only 4 runs in the 19th over is largely thought to be one of the greatest moments in the history of the IPL.

Punekars do not want to be reminded of
the  CSK jersey colour.

To celebrate the occasion the ‘raddiwallas’ of Sadashiv Peth promptly announced that they would be paying Re 1/- extra on a kilogram of raddi which led to a minor stampede in the area with some people selling newspapers borrowed from their unsuspecting neighbours.

One of the traders attributed Dinda’s success to his having given up wearing his trademark headband. Dennis Lillie was Dinda’s inspiration behind wearing a headband – that he looked and bowled like Rumesh Ratnayake is a different story.

Dinda’s moment of glory, however, paled in comparison to Pune defeating Chennai in their own den. To snub the Chennai Super Kings the, the members of the Pune “Chiwda” lobby said after this success Pune can no longer manufacture chiwda flakes with their typical yellow colouring, which would be an insult to their team.

Pepsi blue

In an informal meeting held between some manufacturers of “Chiwda” outside a restaurant on FC road over 2 cups of tea shared by 10, it was decided to change the colour of Chiwda flakes from ‘yellow’ to “blue”.

One of the manufacturers of “Chiwda” was questioned by our team. One of them answered our question with a question: “When Pepsi came up with “Pepsi Blue” during one of the previous editions of the ODI World Cups, you did not object. Why now?” He also said like “paandhra rassa” (white gravy) from Kolhapur, the “neela chiwda”(blue chiwda) will be a hit.

STOP PRESS: After Gayle’s innings against Pune, the plans of ‘Blue Chiwda’ have been deferred until further announcement.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Not intended to be derisive. Interviews are not real. Fun intended. No outrage please.

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This post was first featured on My Faking News

Post #25: Sachin Tendulkar consults Markandey Katju on post-retirement plans

In what seems to be an unprecedented move, India’s batting maestro Sachin Tendulkar today approached the PCI chief and former Judge of Supreme Court in connection with his post retirement plans.

Sachin, who retired from the ODI format of the game, now plays only Test matches and rumours were rife that the Kotla Test against Australia in which Australia suffered a whitewash could be Sachin’s last Test in India – considering that the next Test match India would play was about 8 months away.

Sachin had discussions with Katju on various aspects of post retirement, varying from whether it would dent his popularity, endorsement deals etc.

(pic courtesy:thehindu.com)

Markandey Katju has come up with novel ideas to keep Sachin’s popularity graph point northwards, and make sure that his income stays intact.

Our sources tell us that Justice Katju advised that immediately post retirement Sachin should make a statement that 90% of the cricketers are idiots -This should keep the Twitterati busy for the next 3 days , said Katju banging his fist on the “Mimansa” book, as if to drive home the point.

Further Justice Katju has asked Sachin to go after the BCCI chief and India Cements head honcho N. Srinivasan, and assured him that the success of Indian team and Chennai Super Kings is nowhere related to N. Srinivasan.

Katju we heard, went one step ahead and asked Sachin to accuse N. Srinivasan that though the CSK has many laurels to show he should point out the instances of malnutrition in the team. To prove his point Sachin should present the photographs of Subramanyam Badrinath and Wriddhiman Saha. This should give give Sachin an extended run till IPL 2015 said Katju, painstakingly pulling his ear hair.

Katju warned Sachin that though these were the “easy” options to keep his name in the news, he should not lose sight of crucial issues plaguing the Indian team today. It was now up to Sachin to impress upon the mind of the selection committee that it had to exercise its extraordinary powers and pardon Sehwag for poor hand eye co-ordination.

(pic courtesy: rediff.com)

For this Katju advised Sachin to start a blog ” Satyam Brutus” wherein Sachin should write an open letter to the Chairman of the Selection Committee to pardon him and bring Sehwag back into the team for the following reasons:

1) That Sehwag is married and that has scored 2 triple Centuries.

2) That Sehwag has suffered a lot in the last 3 years, like suffering Ravindra Jadeja in dressing room, diminishing vision and receeding hairline etc.

3) That Sehwag ki maa has started a major mobile revolution with those Reliance mobile commercials.

Sachin, we are told that he is completely impressed by Katju”s advice. He had only one on-record comment for the press who met him as he exited the PCI premises: ” I met 2 great individuals in my life. Vinod Kambli at the begining of my career and Justice Katju at the fag end of it”.

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